# At ninety, a book of their life, told from the chair they like

A ninetieth birthday brings four generations into one room, and the person at the centre of it remembers things nobody else alive does. This is built for exactly that person: short visits, by voice, nothing to learn, and a book that holds what only they know.

## What you give

Your voice first. A thirty-second message from you, played when the gift is opened, so the first thing they meet is family, not technology.

Visits of ten to fifteen minutes by voice, as often or as rarely as they like. One a week is plenty. The interviewer remembers every answer, so nothing has to be repeated.

A book that gathers as they go, with the family reading each chapter as it forms. At ninety the family history chapters are often the best in it: the grandparents of their grandparents.

## How to give it

1. Buy it once. No subscription, nothing that will bill anyone later, and the recordings are theirs.
2. Record your message. Mention a person from far back whose name you know and whose story you do not. For example: "Nana, happy ninetieth. I'd love to have your stories. Tell me about your Aunt Vi, because her photo is on the wall and I know nothing else about her."
3. Do the first visit with them, in their usual chair, on a quiet afternoon rather than at the party. Hold the phone or tablet; they just talk.
4. Ask a younger relative to be the one who checks in. A grandchild who reads the chapters and sends a question keeps it going better than any reminder.

## Questions to start with

See also: Questions to ask your grandparents about family history (/questions/grandparents-family-history)

- Who is the oldest relative you remember meeting, and what were they like?
- What did your mother tell you about her own mother?
- Where did the family live before the place you were born?
- What did the street sound like when you were a child?
- What was your wedding day actually like, not the photograph?
- What did you do during the war years, and what did you not tell anyone at the time?
- Which object in your house has been in the family longest, and how did it come to you?
- What would you like the great-grandchildren to know about you?

## If they are hesitant

A ninety-year-old does not owe anyone their stories. If they are tired, or shy, or simply not interested, say thank you and leave it. If the worry is "I'll get muddled", the honest answer is that the book marks what is certain and keeps family stories as family stories, and that they approve every page. Five minutes recorded is worth having. None recorded is also fine.

Related: A book of your grandparents' stories (/for/grandparents); How to write a family history book people will actually read (/write/family-history-book).

Tellforth: Your story, told in full, in your own voice, for the people who come after.