# 29 questions to ask your father about hard times

Ask these late, in person, once, and with the door open to decline. Handled well they produce the chapter the book turns on. Work and tools open fathers up faster than anything. "What was the first truck you drove?" gets you further than "What was your childhood like?"

1. Was there a year when everything changed? What was the first sign?
   Turning points are the spine of any book. Ask how it started, not just what happened.
2. What was the proudest moment of your working life? And the worst day?
3. Did you ever quit something, or get fired? What did you tell people?
4. What did money mean in your house? Who held it, and what did "we can't afford it" sound like?
5. What was rationed, scarce, or impossible to get, and how did people manage?
6. What did the first winter, the first job, the first apartment look like?
7. What did you eat when there was no money?
8. What was still rationed, broken or unrebuilt in your town when you were growing up?
9. Were there power cuts, strikes or petrol queues where you lived? What did you do during one?
   A candlelit evening is a scene; "the seventies were hard" is not.
10. Was there a holiday that was cancelled, missed, or spent somewhere strange? What happened?
11. Was there a time you nearly left, or nearly lost them? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
12. Was there a moment you were sure you had got it wrong with me? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
13. Was there a moment your faith was tested? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
14. What was the hardest year of your life, and what got you through it? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
15. Who showed up for you when it mattered? Who didn't? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
16. Is there a loss you still carry? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
17. What did you learn about yourself from the worst thing that happened to you? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
18. Was there a time you were truly afraid? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
19. Was there a death, a birth or an illness that changed what you believe? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
20. What did coming home feel like, and how long did it take to actually come home? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
21. Did you ever have to leave a house you loved? What was the last thing you did before you shut the door? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
22. Who was the bully, and who stood up to them? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
23. Was there a time you could not pay for something you needed? What did you do that week? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
24. Which journey did you take because you had to, not because you wanted to? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
25. Did you ever have to put an animal down, or give one away? Who did it, and who cried? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
26. Was there a friendship that ended badly? What would you say to them now? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
27. Who turned up at the hospital, the funeral or the door without being asked? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
   The unasked arrival is the clearest proof of a friendship the book will get.
28. Was there polio, TB or another illness that everyone was afraid of? Did it touch your street? (tender: ask once, late, in person)
29. What should a person do in the week after something terrible happens? What did you do? (tender: ask once, late, in person)

## How to use these questions

Ask by voice, not by form. Record it. One or two questions a visit is enough; the follow-up ("who else was there?", "what did she say?", "what happened the day after?") matters more than the next question on the list. Tender questions are marked; ask them once, late, and with "or would you rather leave that?" in the question itself.

## About Tellforth

Tellforth asks questions like these by voice, remembers every answer, asks the next question a good listener would, and writes a finished book from what was said: a memoir in the person's own words, or a novel built on the true story. You own every recording. https://tellforth.com