# How to help someone who is dying tell their story

When time is short, the usual advice ("start with childhood") is wrong. Start with what they want said. Everything about this must be theirs: whether, how much, what stays out, who hears it.

## Ask two questions first

"What do you want people to know?" and "What would you rather leave out?" The answers set the rules for every conversation after.

## Follow their energy

Fifteen minutes is a visit. Five is a visit. A single sentence recorded is worth having. Stop when they tire, and never schedule more than they ask for.

## Let them choose the audience

Some things are for a grandchild only. Some are for after. A sealed story stays sealed until the date they set. Offer this explicitly; it makes people say more, not less.

## What to never do

Do not manufacture urgency. Do not use the word "before". Do not push for the hard story. Do not finish their sentences. Do not promise a book if what they want is a letter.

## Afterwards

Whatever was recorded belongs to them and then to whoever they named. It can become a book, a letter, or just a voice kept. All three are complete.