Questions to ask your child

30 questions to ask your child that go deep

The questions beneath the facts: what they wanted, what they believed, what changed, what they would do differently. Record the answers. A child's exact words at six are a thing you cannot get back.

How to use this list. Ask by voice and record it. One or two questions a visit is plenty; the follow-up ("Who else was there?" "What did she say?" "What happened the day after?") matters more than the next question.

1. What is the bravest thing you have ever done?
2. What is something grown-ups don't understand?
3. What is a rule you would make if you were in charge of the whole world?
4. What were you scared of when you were little, that you're not scared of now?
5. Tell me about a time you helped someone.
6. What do you want to be really, really good at?
7. Who is the kindest person you know, and what did they do?
8. What do you think I was like when I was your age?
9. What is something you know how to do that I don't?
10. If you could ask Grandpa one question about when he was little, what would it be?
11. Tell me about a time you were really, really angry. What did you do?
12. What is the best thing about our family? And the most annoying thing?
13. Where do you go in the house when you want to be on your own?The place they retreat to is a portrait.
14. What is the scariest place in our house at night, and why that one?
15. If you could only save one thing from your room, what would it be?
16. What do we do at our house that you think no other family does?
17. What is the rule at school that makes no sense?A child's case against a rule is the funniest, fairest writing you will get from them.
18. Tell me about a time you got in trouble at school when it was not your fault.Injustice at seven is told with more detail than anything else in a life.
19. What is the thing at school you are secretly nervous about?
20. What animal are you scared of, and what would make you less scared of it?
21. Have you ever looked after an animal? What did you have to do every day?
22. If you found a lost animal on the way home, what would you do first?
23. Which animal do you think is most like you? What do you both do?A child's self-portrait, in one animal.
24. Tell me about a time you fell out with a friend. How did you make up?The making-up is the plot.
25. What makes someone a good friend? Name one who did it.The named example turns a value into a scene.
26. Who is a friend you do not see much any more? What do you remember doing together?
27. What would you do if your friend was being picked on?
28. What instrument would you most want to play, and what is the first thing you would play on it?
29. What is a song that makes you sad, and why that one?
30. What is the best sound in the whole world?

What these questions are for

A good book about a person needs more than facts. It needs the person on the page: how they talked, what they wanted, what they did when it mattered, the story that shows them. These questions cover 12 of the things a writer needs about your child: the story that shows them, beliefs and values, how others saw them, wants, fears and wounds, key relationships, habits, routines and work, where they came from, temperament and humour, objects, places, food, music, loves and tastes, who they are, loss and fate.

When people ask these. a birthday; the first day of school; a new sibling.

More questions to ask your child

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• Questions to ask your child about their school days
• Questions to ask your child about music, dancing and going out
• Questions to ask your child about pets and animals
• Questions to ask your child about friendship

Or see questions for everyone else, and how to interview a parent about their life.