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A man turning ninety smiling as a birthday cake is set down in front of him, family around the table

Occasions

A gift for the day, and for long after it.

Flowers last a week. A book of their life lasts for generations. Each occasion below has what to say in your thirty-second message, the questions to start with, and what to do if they are not sure.

How the gift works Every occasion

The most given

Where most books begin.

Second Sunday in May (US)

Mother's Day

Give your mother a listener for Mother's Day. Fifteen-minute visits by voice, questions she has never been asked, and a finished book in her own words.

Third Sunday in June (US)

Father's Day

For Father's Day, give your father an interviewer who asks about the work, the cars, the friends and the years you were not around for, and writes the book in his voice.

Any year

A 90th birthday

A gift for a ninetieth birthday: short voice visits, no screens to learn, every story kept under their control, and a printed book of a long life in their own words.

Holidays · The days the family is already thinking about them.

Second Sunday in May (US)Mother's DayGive your mother a listener for Mother's Day.Third Sunday in June (US)Father's DayFor Father's Day, give your father an interviewer who asks about the work, the cars, the friends and the years you were not around for, and writes the book in his voice.First Sunday after Labor Day (US)Grandparents' DayFor Grandparents' Day, let the grandchildren do the asking.Fourth Thursday in November (US)ThanksgivingFor Thanksgiving, give the parent or grandparent at the head of the table a listener: voice visits through the holidays, the family's food and gatherings remembered, and a book in their own words.Eight nights, usually in DecemberHanukkahFor Hanukkah, give a parent or grandparent a listener who visits by voice, one story a night if they like, and writes the book of their life and their family's in their own words.25 DecemberChristmasGive a parent or grandparent a listener for Christmas: voice visits through the winter, a chapter a week to read, and a finished book of their life by spring.

Milestones · The years that make people look back.

A 70th birthdayFor a parent turning seventy: a book of their life, told by voice over fifteen-minute visits, finished and printed in their own words.An 80th birthdayFor a parent or grandparent turning eighty: a listener who visits for fifteen minutes at a time, remembers everything, and writes their book in their own words.A 90th birthdayA gift for a ninetieth birthday: short voice visits, no screens to learn, every story kept under their control, and a printed book of a long life in their own words.A wedding anniversaryA gift for a parents' wedding anniversary: each of them interviewed by voice, separately, and one book that keeps both versions of how it happened.RetirementFor a retirement: an interviewer who asks about forty years of work, the people and the craft, and writes the memoir the retiree has been saying they would write.A milestone birthday of your ownFor your own milestone birthday: an interviewer who asks you the questions, remembers every answer, and writes your memoir from what you say, so the book finally gets written.

Life moments · When a family changes shape.

A new grandchildWhen a grandchild is born, give the grandparent a listener who records their stories by voice and writes a book the child will read at eighteen, in the grandparent's own words.A family reunionFor a family reunion: every branch gets the same invitation, each relative tells their part by voice, and the family goes home with one book that keeps every version.A move into assisted living or careWhen a parent moves into assisted living or a care home, a calm way to keep their stories: short voice visits they control, the house and the street remembered, and a book in their words if they want one.After a diagnosisAfter hard news, a calm way for a person to tell their story if they choose to: voice visits of any length, every story under their control, and nothing finished they did not want finished.

Giving it well

Three things that make the gift land.

Say it in your own voice

Your thirty-second message is the first thing they hear. Say why you want their stories, and name one you already love.

Write the first question in a card

It explains what the gift is without a demonstration, and gives them something to think about before the first visit.

Then step back

It is their book now. Listen to the chapters as they arrive, and send a question of your own when one occurs to you.

Tellforth

The best gift is being asked.

Everything else is a way of saying so.

Give a book How the gift works

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