Questions to ask your father

16 questions to ask your father about the war

These questions start with the ordinary and let the person choose how far to go. Never open with the worst day. Work and tools open fathers up faster than anything. "What was the first truck you drove?" gets you further than "What was your childhood like?"

How to use this list. Ask by voice and record it. One or two questions a visit is plenty; the follow-up ("Who else was there?" "What did she say?" "What happened the day after?") matters more than the next question. The 4 marked tender come last: ask them once, late, in person, with "or would you rather leave that?" in the question.

1. Where were you when the big news of your lifetime came? What did people around you do?History is only worth a page if it touched this person. Ask what it did to them.
2. Did anyone in your family serve? What did they say about it, and what did they never say?
3. What was rationed, scarce, or impossible to get, and how did people manage?
4. What did you think of the war at the time, and has that changed?
5. What did you eat when there was no money?
6. What was the first morning like? Where did you sleep, what did you eat, who shouted?The ordinary first. The big stories live next door to it.
7. Who did you serve with that you still think about? What were they like?
8. What did you write home, and what did you leave out?
9. What did people at home know, and what did they get wrong about it?
10. What did you do the day it ended?
11. What did your mother or father tell you about their war, and what did they never say?
12. What was still rationed, broken or unrebuilt in your town when you were growing up?
13. Was there a time you were truly afraid?tender
14. Is there a story from that time you have never told, that you would be willing to tell once? Or would you rather leave it?tender
15. What did coming home feel like, and how long did it take to actually come home?tender
16. Was anyone you knew sent to a war in the 1960s? What did their mother do while they were away?tender

What these questions are for

A good book about a person needs more than facts. It needs the person on the page: how they talked, what they wanted, what they did when it mattered, the story that shows them. These questions cover 11 of the things a writer needs about your father: their place in history, key relationships, habits, routines and work, beliefs and values, the story that shows them, their voice and sayings, contradictions, how others saw them, objects, places, food, music, wants, fears and wounds, what they want said.

When people ask these. Father's Day; retirement; his 75th or 80th birthday; a move into care.

More questions to ask your father

• All questions to ask your father
• Questions to ask your father about his childhood
• Questions to ask your father about family history
• Questions to ask your father about love and marriage
• Questions to ask your father about his work
• Questions to ask your father about faith and beliefs
• Questions to ask your father about food and the kitchen table
• Questions to ask your father that are funny
• Questions to ask your father about hard times

Or see questions for everyone else, and how to interview a parent about their life.