Questions to ask your mentor

67 questions to ask your mentor that are funny

Laughter gets more truth out of people than seriousness. These are the questions that produce the stories the family will quote for years. Tell them what they taught you before you ask anything. Then ask who taught it to them. The chain goes back further than either of you expects.

How to use this list. Ask by voice and record it. One or two questions a visit is plenty; the follow-up ("Who else was there?" "What did she say?" "What happened the day after?") matters more than the next question. The 1 marked tender come last: ask them once, late, in person, with "or would you rather leave that?" in the question.

1. What did your mother call you? And what did she call you when she was angry?Names are voice. Nobody forgets the angry name.
2. What was the rule in your house that you thought was unfair?
3. What did you get in trouble for, and what did trouble look like in your family?
4. Who was your best friend when you were a child, and what did the two of you do that nobody else knew about?
5. What was the story your family always told about you when you were little?The signature story. Ask for the whole thing: what happened, who said what, what came of it.
6. What was the first thing you did that your parents would have hated, and did they ever find out?
7. What did you do with your first real paycheck?
8. What was the first fight about, and who gave in?
9. What did you wear on your wedding day, and what went wrong?Something always goes wrong. That is the story.
10. What was the first piece of technology that changed your daily life?
11. What did Christmas, or the holiday that mattered in your house, actually look like? Who cooked, who argued, who fell asleep?
12. What makes you laugh until you can't breathe?
13. What are three words your best friend would use for you? And three your sister would?
14. What is something you did that was completely out of character?
15. What was your worst haircut, and who was responsible?
16. What did you get away with that you still can't believe?
17. What is the strangest job you ever had?
18. What did you think was true for years that turned out to be nonsense?
19. What is the most trouble a pet ever got you into?
20. Who was the worst driver in the family?
21. What did you think of me the first time we met? Be honest.
22. What is a thing I do that drives you mad and you've never said?
23. Tell me about a meal that went wrong. A burnt bird, a dropped cake, a guest who should not have come.
24. Which dish is only made for one occasion, and what happens if someone makes it at the wrong time?
25. Who sat where at the table, and what happened if someone took the wrong chair?
26. Where did the family sit in the evenings, and which chair was nobody else allowed in?The seating plan is the family's power structure, drawn in furniture.
27. Was there a room you were not allowed into? What was in it?
28. Who were the neighbours on either side, and which one did your mother not speak to?A street has a cast too.
29. Where did you hide things as a child, and did anyone ever find them?The hiding place tells you what they valued and who they feared.
30. Which teacher was feared, and what did they do to earn it?A feared teacher is a villain the reader will enjoy.
31. What was the punishment at your school, and did you ever get it?
32. Tell me about a day you skipped school. Where did you go instead?The first truancy is the first choice they made alone.
33. What was the playground game everyone played, and were you any good at it?
34. Did anyone from your class become famous, rich or notorious? What were they like at twelve?
35. Who in the family was tight with money, and who was hopeless with it?
36. What did you do for extra money when things were tight: a second job, a sideline, something off the books?The sideline is where the ingenuity lives.
37. What was the first thing you bought that your parents would have called a waste?
38. Did you ever strike it lucky: a win, a windfall, a deal that came off? What did you do with it?
39. Tell me about the best night out of your life. Who was there, and how did you get home?
40. Was there a band or a singer your parents could not stand? Did you play them louder?
41. Tell me about a family holiday that went wrong. Who was to blame?The holiday disaster is the most-retold story in any family; get the definitive version.
42. What did you pack for a journey, and what did you always forget?
43. Tell me about an animal that got loose. Who chased it, and where did it end up?
44. Were you ever bitten, kicked or stung badly enough to remember? What were you doing at the time?
45. Who in the family talked to the animals as if they were people? What did they say to them?How someone speaks to a dog is how they speak when nobody is judging.
46. Was there an animal that was not supposed to be in the house, and who let it in?
47. Did an animal ever save the day, or ruin one? Tell me the whole thing.
48. Which friend got you into the most trouble, and which one got you out of it?Trouble is the plot; the friend is the cast.
49. What did you and your friends do on a Friday night at sixteen, and where did your parents think you were?
50. Which friend did your mother not approve of, and was she right?The disapproved friend is a chapter about both of them.
51. What did your friends call your group, and who was the one everybody secretly followed?A gang with a name is a gang with a story.
52. What did you wear in the 1950s that you would not be seen in now? Who ironed it?
53. Who on your street had a telephone, a fridge or a car first? What did everyone say about them?First on the street is a small drama of envy and pride.
54. Who was the glamorous one in your family or your street in the 1950s? What did they wear, and where did they go?
55. What did you make of the Beatles at the time? Who in your house disagreed?
56. How short were the skirts, how long was the hair, and what did your mother say about it?The mother's line, verbatim, is the whole generation gap.
57. Who did you want to look like in the 1960s, and how close did you get?
58. What did you wear in the 1970s that you have since destroyed every photograph of?
59. What was the wallpaper, the carpet and the colour of the bathroom in your 1970s house?
60. What did you cook for guests in the 1970s, and what did you serve it in?The dinner party is a period piece, and they will remember the dish.
61. What did you drive in the 1970s, what colour was it, and what kept going wrong with it?A car that kept breaking down is a running joke the book can use.
62. Which gadget arrived in your house in the 1970s: a colour television, a calculator, a freezer? Who was allowed to touch it?
63. Who was always late to the holiday table, and what did your mother say when they finally arrived?
64. What was the holiday argument that happened every year? Who started it?The annual argument is a recurring scene; the book can use it three times.
65. What was the first holiday you hosted yourself, and what went wrong?
66. Who was the worst boss you ever had, and what did you say about them at home?
67. What did you do that you were never caught for, and would you still rather nobody knew?tender

What these questions are for

A good book about a person needs more than facts. It needs the person on the page: how they talked, what they wanted, what they did when it mattered, the story that shows them. These questions cover 15 of the things a writer needs about your mentor: their voice and sayings, key relationships, beliefs and values, where they came from, temperament and humour, the story that shows them, contradictions, habits, routines and work, wants, fears and wounds, objects, places, food, music, their place in history, loves and tastes, how others saw them, loss and fate, how they look and move.

More questions to ask your mentor

• All questions to ask your mentor
• Questions to ask your mentor about their work
• Questions to ask your mentor about hard times
• Questions to ask your mentor for their advice
• Questions to ask your mentor about what they want remembered
• Questions to ask your mentor that go deep
• Questions to ask your mentor for a quick conversation
• Questions to ask your mentor about money and getting by
• Questions to ask your mentor about friendship

Or see questions for everyone else, and how to interview a parent about their life.