Mother's Day
A gift for Mother's Day that lasts: her story, in her own voice
Mother's Day is the one day a year the family is already thinking about her, and the one day she is least likely to be asked anything about herself. Flowers are gone in a week. A book of her life, told the way she tells it, is the gift her grandchildren will argue over.
What you give
A listener, a message from you, and in time a book.
A message from you, in your voice, about thirty seconds long. It is the first thing she hears when she opens the gift, and it does the asking so you do not have to.
Her first visit follows straight on: a gentle conversation of fifteen to twenty minutes, by voice, with real follow-up questions. She can stop whenever she likes and pick up another day.
Visit by visit the chapters form. She can see them growing, change anything, and seal any story she wants kept private. When she decides it is finished, the book is printed in her words.
How to give it
4 steps. You do the first one.
Buy it once. There is no subscription, and she will never be asked for a card.
Record your thirty-second message. Say why you want her stories and name one you already love.
"Mum, I'd love to have your stories. Start with the one about the bus to Blackpool, because I only ever hear half of it."
Give it on the day, in person if you can. A card with the first question written inside works well: it tells her what this is without a demonstration.
Leave her to it. The interviewer does the asking; your job is to listen to the chapters as they arrive and send a question of your own when one occurs to you.
Questions to start with
Ask one. Then follow it.
Written for the person telling the story. The full list is at questions to ask your mother about her life.
- What was your mother like at the age you are now?
- What did you want to be when you were twelve, and who talked you out of it or into it?
- What is the one thing you cooked that everyone asked for, and where did the recipe come from?
- What did you do on the first day you were ever on your own?
- What did you give up to raise us, and what did you get back?
- Which of your friends should I know about, and why have I never heard of her?
- What is a day from my childhood you remember that I probably do not?
- What did you get right as a mother that nobody has ever thanked you for?
If they are not sure
It is theirs to accept, or leave.
Most mothers say "nobody wants to hear about me" and mean it. Do not argue with that. Tell her it is for you, that the first visit is fifteen minutes, and that she can stop and nothing will be printed without her say-so. If she still says no, let it sit until her birthday. The gift keeps.
Tellforth
The best gift is being asked.
Everything else is a way of saying so.
Updated · Plain-text version of this page: /occasions/mothers-day.md