Questions to ask your father

12 questions to ask your father about coming to this country

Who decided, what was carried, what the first year looked like, what got lost. The language question matters most. Work and tools open fathers up faster than anything. "What was the first truck you drove?" gets you further than "What was your childhood like?"

How to use this list. Ask by voice and record it. One or two questions a visit is plenty; the follow-up ("Who else was there?" "What did she say?" "What happened the day after?") matters more than the next question. The 1 marked tender come last: ask them once, late, in person, with "or would you rather leave that?" in the question.

1. Where did your family come from before here, and who made the decision to leave?
2. What did they bring with them, and what did they have to leave behind?Objects carry whole chapters.
3. What language was spoken at home, and when did it stop?
4. What did the first winter, the first job, the first apartment look like?
5. What did people get wrong about where you came from?
6. Is there a place you still think of as home, even if you can never go back?
7. What was the journey itself like? How long, what did it smell like, who was sick, who was kind?
8. What was the first thing you bought here that felt like a luxury?
9. Who helped you in the first year, and did you ever get to thank them?
10. What did you change about yourself to fit in: your name, your clothes, your accent, your food?Every arrival is also a loss. Ask for both.
11. What did the people back home think you were doing here, and were they right?
12. Did you ever go back? What was the same and what was gone?tender

What these questions are for

A good book about a person needs more than facts. It needs the person on the page: how they talked, what they wanted, what they did when it mattered, the story that shows them. These questions cover 11 of the things a writer needs about your father: where they came from, their place in history, objects, places, food, music, their voice and sayings, the story that shows them, habits, routines and work, how others saw them, beliefs and values, wants, fears and wounds, key relationships, contradictions.

When people ask these. Father's Day; retirement; his 75th or 80th birthday; a move into care.

More questions to ask your father

• All questions to ask your father
• Questions to ask your father about his childhood
• Questions to ask your father about family history
• Questions to ask your father about love and marriage
• Questions to ask your father about his work
• Questions to ask your father about the war
• Questions to ask your father about faith and beliefs
• Questions to ask your father about food and the kitchen table
• Questions to ask your father that are funny

Or see questions for everyone else, and how to interview a parent about their life.