Questions to ask someone who is dying

13 questions to ask someone who is dying about faith and beliefs

Belief, practice, what changed and what caused it. The rule they lived by, in their own words, may be the book's epigraph. Ask "what do you want people to know?" first and "what would you rather leave out?" second. Everything else follows from those two.

How to use this list. Ask by voice and record it. One or two questions a visit is plenty; the follow-up ("Who else was there?" "What did she say?" "What happened the day after?") matters more than the next question. The 4 marked tender come last: ask them once, late, in person, with "or would you rather leave that?" in the question.

1. What did you believe about God as a child, and what do you believe now?
2. Was there a moment your faith was tested?tender
3. What rule did you live by that you never said out loud?Ask for it in their words. That sentence may be the book's epigraph.
4. What did your parents teach you that you kept, and what did you throw out?
5. What do you pray for, or hope for, when it's late and nobody is listening?tender
6. What did Sunday, or the Sabbath, look like in your house growing up? Who insisted, and who slipped out?
7. Was there a minister, rabbi, priest or teacher who actually mattered to you? What did they say?
8. Did you ever stop going, or start again? What happened?A belief that changed is a chapter. A belief that never did is a sentence.
9. What did you teach your children to believe, and did it take?
10. Is there a prayer, a hymn or a verse you still know by heart? Say it.
11. What do you think happens after? Has that answer changed?tender
12. Was there a death, a birth or an illness that changed what you believe?tender
13. Who said grace, or made the toast, and what did they always say?Verbatim. The toast is a line of family liturgy.

What these questions are for

A good book about a person needs more than facts. It needs the person on the page: how they talked, what they wanted, what they did when it mattered, the story that shows them. These questions cover 9 of the things a writer needs about someone who is dying: beliefs and values, the story that shows them, their voice and sayings, where they came from, wants, fears and wounds, habits, routines and work, key relationships, contradictions, loss and fate.

More questions to ask someone who is dying

• All questions to ask someone who is dying
• Questions to ask someone who is dying about their childhood
• Questions to ask someone who is dying about family history
• Questions to ask someone who is dying about love and marriage
• Questions to ask someone who is dying about their work
• Questions to ask someone who is dying about hard times
• Questions to ask someone who is dying for their advice
• Questions to ask someone who is dying about what they want remembered
• Questions to ask someone who is dying that go deep

Or see questions for everyone else, and how to interview a parent about their life.